What Has Google Done for us?

I have Google to thank for increasing my ability to recognise the varied appearance of fire hydrants. No doubt dissemination of this skill has led to increased road safety, through reducing time delays in deploying fire hydrants in emergency situations. These delays have sometimes arisen from the inability to locate them rapidly. Just lately I have become concerned that I may be seeing fire hydrants when they don’t exist. Whilst driving down a road pre dusk, I spotted that rarest of variants – the blue fire hydrant, but as I approached closer, I realised I had observed an individual in a blue hoodie, standing still with their arms slightly apart. I felt like we were kindred robots.

Thank you google for not adopting a wingman. You always knew how to fly solo and were always a hero that needed no sidekick, no third wheel, mini me or Lycos dog to get the job done.

Thank you google for your minimalist style and for banishing the notion of garish background colours that tarnished many a website.

Thank you google for the film the Internship. Drawing on the comedic well of Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson, and Vince Vaughan to deliver the ultimate product placement for the one brand that needs not advertise as they are advertising. Despite the cynicism and terrible reviews, I have found its ufficiently entertaining to watch it more than once and still find Vince Vaughn Saying “On the line” instead of online funny.

Thank you google for lacking narcissism and not wanting to do selfies- only accidental ones. As you cruise around the world photographing every road, not once are you tempted to take a selfie at any landmark. We can only glimpse at your mysterious form from fleeting reflections from the windowpanes.

Thank you google for creating an entirely new industry, self-engine optimisation. We try to make ourselves more appealing to you, as we struggle tounderstand your ever changing and increasingly complex taste.